Updated: Aug 30, 2022
Loving my feminine and my masculine
But how do we find the balance?
Not by blaming men. Not all men are bastards
As I place my fingers on the keyboard I feel sure I am going to be strung up for this post but I feel compelled to get my thoughts out, to see if there is anyone else that feels the same as I do.
I wanted to write this blog to keep the conversation going about men and women. I feel I am a champion for men and I want men to start having the courage to have conscious conversations with women.
I have had my fair share of masculine contact, I had two older brothers and they had loads of mates who spent years hanging around our house when we were younger. I had a father, a grandfather, a deceased grandfather (whom I'm told was a superior man) a good husband for 27 years, a gorgeous son, and a husband for 2.5 years whom I’m also separated from, and is a superior man. I have many male friends, and I have to say, for the most part, none of them is bastards. Sometimes they may behave in a way that I don’t resonate with, however for the most part they are really good people with good intentions.
I have also had the misfortune of being around men with whom I have experienced abuse, rape, mental manipulation, control, unfaithfulness, etc. I do not see these men as bastards, nor did I when each situation occurred. I see them as injured or traumatised souls who needed guidance and direction and I feel somehow society has failed them.
See I am a yogi, I don’t actually get on my mat and twist myself in difficult poses (ok well maybe sometimes) but I believe I try to live yoga off the mat as well as on. That is to say I study yoga philosophy and try to follow it where and whenever I can. Yoga philosophy tells us that we are all equal, that we are part of a big throbbing organism that is called the collective and what affects you, affects me and vice versa. We are consciousness in its human form, we just sometimes do a very bad job of being it.
Here's the thing, we can’t cherry-pick the ideas in philosophy that suit us. For example “I’m in my flow state I trust the universe and I am open to everything that comes my way, as long as it is good!”
If we believe in the scriptures, and I do, then I see that the people that have hurt me are hurting to.
In fact men all around the world are hurting. They feel the pain of women. These men just don't have the courage or the tools to approach us, to know what to say. Their brains are different than ours. They often come charging in trying to fix us when all we want is for them to listen to us.
Let’s face it SOME men have been abhorrent in the past; in wars, in politics, in business, in relationships, even as fathers. I’m no historian but I do know that these patterns of behaviour go back a long way and the damage runs deep. The pain that has been caused runs deep in women and it is time for these wounds to be healed, for both the masculine and the feminine.
In our human form we are both, we have elements of the masculine and the feminine . The ideal is to find a comfortable balance of the masculine and the feminine to be able to sustain healthy relationships with ourselves and others.
Men want their women to be feminine. Women want their men to be masculine. So why do women emasculate men? I don’t think this happens intentionally, These swaps in gender roles, see the women taking on so many roles that traditionally were masculine. Thats ok, however, as women we don’t need to keep that masculine energy in our relationships. You may be the major bread winner, but let them carry your heavy bag for you. If we as women continue to emasculate men, they will soften and yield and become more feminine. It is also likely that down the track, you will look at that man, and think, wow, he’s not the man I married or dated! And you would be right. Men find it hard to get it right. They feel like they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
I know many men who wanted to join in the Me2 debate, but feel like they are in trouble if they say anything, and in trouble if they don’t say anything. It’s a lose, lose situation. So they keep quiet. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if we had them join the conversation rather than it being a debate! I also know many men who have been raped. Yes raped. And I can tell you that their voice struggles just as much as ours with being able to tell someone. So much shame for them also.
Yes, women have been persecuted by men in the past, and it was and is unacceptable to reduce anyone to a lower value than yourself. Somehow, we do have a level of responsibility, we were there and therefore were party to it. Its’ a far stretch to say we allowed this to happen and I agree it is time for this reductionist behaviour to stop. So what do we do, put on our best masculine suit and fuck the guys over, after all isn't it their fault that we were persecuted? Im sorry but I don’t want that for my son. I don’’t want that for my male friends, my ex husbands.
One way we can start to make a change is for mothers, women, sisters and men to not accept un-acceptable behaviour. From as early as my son could understand I told him that no meant no! As soon as he was old enough, around the age five I started telling him that when a girl says no, she means no. And that when a man says no, he means no. As he was old enough to understand I then put the discussion into context for example, one day you may be kissing a girl, it may start to get a little heated and if she says no, she means no. Or, one night you may be in a pub and a guy may look at you during a heated discussion and say no, if he says no, he means no! I have been a barmaid in a pub and seen many men being punched when they were pushing another guys buttons, often the aggressor would have been saying ‘back off’ or ‘no’ but alcohol dulls the senses and fights break out….You know how it goes. We as fellow planet dwellers have a responsibility to inform young men (and women for that matter) of basic rules of engagement. If young men aren't told the rules early in the game, they most definitely get a whack on the nose!!!!!!! No means No!
Another way we can start to bring about change is for women to start supporting women. For far too long I have seen women being competitive with other women. Women having affairs with other women’s men, women gossiping behind other womens backs. Women competing in looks, children, workplace etc etc. I know because I have been party to some of this behaviour in the past. If women can truly, truly start to work together rather than against each other, we may be able to move forward in solidarity and meet the men as equals and begin to rebuild the foundation of a society that is in harmony. The masculine and the feminine coming together to create a society that is balanced, vibrant and loving.
Womens circles are a great start to healing the divide with women, mens circles are growing in numbers and are reportedly creating conscious men who give a fuck, bringing these circles together will be the next step towards healing.
Are you brave enough to start the conversation with women?
Are you man enough to be vulnerable and join a mens group or circle?
Are you man enough to read the best book in the universe for men, ‘The way of the Superior Man’ by David Dieda
You may enjoy the following piece that was shared with me recently: (my apologies for not referencing the author however I have not been able to discover its original source)
This is for the men who give a fuck.~
The men who show up without being asked, who stay up even when they’re exhausted; the men who put the seat back down when they’re finished.
The men who have fierce respect for their mothers, and wouldn’t be caught dead having her do their laundry - or paying their bills.
This is for the men who know that choosing a strong woman full of magic can sometimes mean choosing a challenging life but they do it anyway, because there is no greater gift than to partner with a daring, courageous heart.
The men who believe in inspiration as well as integrity.
The men who tell their friends, their family, and their children that no one will disrespect their partner.
The men who can love with great power - and great vulnerability.
Who aren’t afraid to take off their clothes in front of a woman and be naked, in body and in soul; who can stand and take in their partner and say “we are perfect together”.
The men who believe that starting the conversation is the gateway to everything. Who would rather disappear alone to the mountains than sit at a bar or in front of a television.
The men who see with their souls and not just their eyes.
For the men who can stand in the uncomfortable places, and be asked the hard questions, and not run away or turn to bullying and name-calling.
The ones who are willing to say a resounding ‘”no” to sexism, racism, and hate while standing in a circle of their peers.
For the men who give up what society says is normal to support a woman while she climbs the ladder or launches a business and takes care of the children and do the dishes - because being a partner is more important than being a breadwinner.
This is for the men who believe in serving something greater than themselves.
This is for the men who were born to create things - and refuse to be silenced. They create because they must; with their minds, their hands and their words.
Who are warriors for love.
This is for the men who believe in imagination and dance parties in the living room.
For the men who believe in hard work and harder play: in relationships, in parenting, in business, and in the bedroom.
This is for the men who aren’t afraid to create something from nothing and go wildly in a new direction where there are no guarantees - except that of a great adventure.
This is for the men who give all the fucks.
The men who are loving strong, living fully, and daring greatly.
May we know them. May we raise them. May you be one.
The world needs more of these men.~