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Plant Medicine

An Illustrious Gem

The phone rang and I took the call. My daughter, Camille, was about to embark on another Ayahuasca journey and she asked me to join her, she said that she felt more at ease sitting with the medicine when she had me by her side. I didn't need to be convinced any further, I hadn’t actually been searching for another journey however I knew the call when I heard it.

You see the medicine calls you when it is time and a mother senses and feels the needs of her young. I knew Camille needed me there and somehow my daughter knew I needed to be there on the journey with her, such is her strength of trust and intuition. Camille is a mother too, in fact, I believe Camille has been my mother in a past life. She recently sent me the following piece which I felt spoke profoundly to our soul relationship :

“What if there isn't enough time to give her what she deserves, do you think if I begged the sky hard enough my mother's soul would return to me as my daughter so I can give her the comfort she gave me my whole life” - Rupi Kaur

The previous month I had been working with two healers, one a breath worker, the other an intuitive mix of physiotherapist and energy worker. Their combined work on my body, mind and soul had revealed there were past traumas in the female lineage of my mother's family that needed to be healed. Additionally, there was deep trauma in the male lineage of my father's family that also needed clearing. Armed with this information, I had prayed the following days to send me a sign of how I was to approach these healings, my prayer simply stating I was ready to see. During the healing treatments, the female lineage from my mother's side was surprisingly swift to move the energy and my physical ailments on the left side of my body quickly subsided. The pain on the right remained, there was more work to be done. I was willing to trust and be patient knowing full well that my prayer would be answered when the time was right.

Not even a week had gone by and the message was clear, I was to accompany Camille on what would be our third journey together.

The medicine was from Peru and originated from a tribe we had not sat with before.

The young man facilitating the group made it very clear that he was not a shaman nor a maestro, however, he had been given permission to work with the medicine in environments that both he, the shamans and the medicine agreed would be suitable. The environment was a retreat set deep in the forest, virgin land, in Australia, a far cry from the Andes in Peru. The land, however, was infused with ancient aboriginal souls who gave their approval for the medicine and the facilitator to proceed, the shamans and maestros of Peru gave their blessings.

Camille, myself, and one other woman laid beside each other in a small dome on the edge of the forest with 8 others, all of whom were men.

I had been told that the medicine was powerful so I was cautious of how I may react. I breathed deeply and slowly and told myself to trust the process. After drinking a small cup of medicine, my journey started with gentle images of ancient Indian illustrious gems and jewels, goddesses and deities. They danced, swayed, and seduced me into a deeper state of release and trust in the medicine. The facilitator sang sweet icaros. the sweet sounds carrying me through my journey. Feeling safe and held I gently, openly asked the medicine to “show me” what I needed to see.

I could hear the purging of my fellow men and sensed their journeys were going o be arduous. The energy was palpable, it felt like there was a lot of pain that was about to be shifted.

The two other women were softly breathing, calm.

I lay in wait for the medicine to ‘show me’ and then I felt a hand sweetly touch my cheek. This gentle feminine energy told me she was Mary Magdalene and she and other women were there to help me through the journey. Mary told me I was safe to release whatever needed to be released in purging, that the women would discreetly clean any mess made.

This bought a deeper sense of relief, as it is a natural fear for me and I believe for many in journeying around the level and type of purging.

Not very long after I heard a voice and felt the presence of my brother Paul who had passed 16 years prior saying ‘let's do this. I immediately understood what he meant. I also felt fear as I had no idea how hard the journey may become with what we were about to embark on. I went back to my mantra of trust and to release my grip of fear and surrender. Paul and I, holding each other's hands were about to release the anger, hurt and sadness caused by the beheading of my great Uncle Leo in the second world war. Uncle Leo was beheaded whilst building the Burmese Railway on the border of Thailand. My paternal grandfather, Pa Carr, had spent years going from pub to pub in an attempt to find someone who had seen or been with his brother around the time of his death. Pa Carr died at the age of 54 from a brain haemorrhage without finding any answers, without finding peace. Curiously my Pa, my father, my brother Paul had all died from vascular-related causes, my surviving brother had suffered a stroke at age 28.

At age 24 I had traveled to Kanchunberri Thailand to walk the many graveyards to find uncle Leo’s grave, so I could bring some relief to Nanna Carr and the family, sadly I found nothing, only too many plaques with memorials that read ‘known only unto God.

So Paul purged, he purged and he purged and he purged. Occasionally he asked me to sit up and help him, I felt the wave of nausea, and then was told by the women watching me lay down and rest. It felt like Paul went for hours, his strength and commitment was deep. Then things went quiet I felt I was coming out of the medicine and the woman said to give her more. I opened my mouth wide and medicine was administered without any physical communion. A brief period of vision followed, almost as a distraction, then my father appeared. He purged softly and gently, yawned a few times, cried, were then fell asleep. Things went dark, very very dark and I senses that Pa Carr was there. He sat without purging and I held space for him, he was broken, yet resigned. Another period of distraction followed with visuals of DNA strands and illustrious pearls of octopus-type tentacles appeared and danced a hypnotic dance. I followed the icaros and went deeper, then I saw or sensed in the blink of an eye that Uncle Leo was shot. It was like a lightning bolt, and then calm, light, peace. This beautiful face appeared. It was Uncle Leo. He said I am ok, I have always been ok. I felt no pain and am in no pain now. All is well and all is healed.

I felt the heaviness of my Pa’s heart lighten and I knew that all was well. All were healed.

The medicine continued its work, it told me to send a letter to an old friend to say I was sorry, it told me that my decision to end my marriage, to start a new life in Bali, and my new relationship was all part of the plan, gods plan. I felt safe, I felt held. The women left me resting. Their work was done.

The facilitator called for another round of medicine and I decided I had done the work I had come to do.

I laid down and started to feel the energy of every man in the room. And I cried, I cried for them and I cried for all of the men in the world who had done things they didn’t want to do. I cried for all of the men who had not been allowed to cry or had felt shame or guilt. I cried for all of the men that had been wounded or hurt and who are still hurting now. I cried oceans of tears and held space for the men.

When I woke in the morning and spoke to Camille and the other woman they both said they had had a similar experience, crying buckets of tears for the men, for all the men, for the sadness and pain they felt.

My gratitude for the medicine, this experience is immense like the heavens, my gratitude for my daughter is beyond words.

For me, the healing of men started here with my family, and through the medicine, I have been shown the vast oceans of men that need forgiveness and love for what they have expressed and endured in their lives. We are love, they are love, what leads us to pain is that we forget. My work is not only to remember but to help others remember too.

My commitment is to do this by my words, my actions and my energy with every ounce of love I have.

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